I sometimes hear from people who, in the past, have been ecstatic to think that they finally have the commitment in their relationship that they have wanted all along. Unfortunately, this happiness doesn’t last for very long. Because, later, but they are depressed to find out that their partner or boyfriend has changed his mind. This is something that can become somewhat of a cycle. And the girlfriend might be confused about why this is happening. Things can be going great for a little while and she thinks that they might even be walking down the aisle soon. But a little time will pass and the boyfriend’s doubt start to take hold again. And before she knows it, he’s changed his mind once again.
I might hear a comment like: “last Christmas my boyfriend gave me a ring and said we could get engaged. For about six weeks we were a unbelievably happy. But then that spring he admitted to me that he changed his mind because he felt that he wasn’t ready. This made me very sad and I admit that I probably was a little difficult to be around, but I tried to understand. Then in the summer he told me once again that he would be ready to get married soon. And yet a couple of months later he said that he needed more time. At this point, I’m getting very frustrated with this process. It’s been a couple of times now that I’ve been engaged only to have it all taken away. I know that my boyfriend loves me. There’s no doubt in my mind about this. And I feel that we have a good relationship for the most part. So why does he keep changing his mind every couple of months?”
There are several different reasons that a man might keep changing his mind about a commitment. I will discuss some of them in the following article.
He’s Thinks That He’s Just Not Ready: Some men have to get to a certain age or level of maturity before they are ready to commit. This is especially true if the couple is young. He may want to reach a certain social position or financial status before he feels that he can support a family. This doesn’t necessarily reflect badly on you or your relationship. He just wants to take care of you and make sure that he has the means and the job necessary to do so.
One way to get around this is to show him that you don’t expect or need a certain lifestyle in order to be happy. Let him know that you are in this together and that you are more than willing to help him reach the financial status he needs to obtain to feel more secure.
Could There Be Things About Your Relationship That Are Giving Him Pause?: This is perhaps the toughest obstacle to face. No one wants to admit that there might be issues in the relationship that are causing him to have some doubts. It can help to look at the times when he backed away before and see if there were issues that kept cropping up in the relationship that corresponded with his doubt surfacing.
Sometimes there is an argument that keeps coming up over and over again. As a result, he starts to believe that your issues are insurmountable or that you will never work it out. If this is the case, the easiest and fastest way to overcome this is to successfully identify and then work through that issue. Until you do, he may still continue to have the doubts over and over again until you finally tackled them once and for all.
He May Have Preconceived Notions About Commitment Or Getting Married: Some men come from a family or a culture that looks down upon marriage. Some men listen to their friends who tell him that once you get married, your life is over. And some men come from families of divorce where marriages add stress and pain to lives. So if your boyfriend has any of these preconceived notions, this may be leading to his reluctance to commit.
The only real way to move past this is to make your relationship as healthy as it can possibly be and to have patience with him. Over time, he’s going to need to see that he can trust you. He needs to see that your relationship actually strengthens rather than weakens him. He needs to see that your relationship makes him happy rather than making him miserable and rather than being a source of stress. You have to address this because he’s likely hearing comments from several outside sources and he’s struggling to figure out who to believe. And that’s why he’s changing his mind over and over again.
Sometimes women are tempted to call him on this. They may tell him that if he doesn’t want to get married or if he keeps changing his mind, then perhaps the two of you should break up. This is often a mistake. With a little patience, you can often work through this. If you got him to reluctantly commit before, then there’s a chance that you can make it stick with a little work and a little patience.